No Pineapple Left Behind

In No Pineapple Left Behind, you have to run a school full of children. Children have lots of wants, needs, and feelings. That’s a problem, because if they get don’t pay attention in class and get low grades, your school loses money. However, you can turn children into pineapples. All that pineapples do is take tests and get grades. They do not have feelings and are not people, but they are much simpler to handle, and therefore much cheaper.

• Learn about the shortcomings of modern education in this satirical game

• Nine schools, each with unique challenges

• Manage the school’s curriculums, students, and staff without going bankrupt

• Dehumanize the children, turning them into orderly pineapples

• Maintain a small staff of top-tier teachers or a large group of burned-out, underpaid teachers

• Manipulate a child’s feelings with lasers

• Cast magic spells like “Trigonomancy” or “Covalency” to teach students

• Address parental concerns, or maybe ignore them altogether